Becoming Who You’re Meant To Be

No matter how long we live, becoming the most we can be is worthwhile. If this is our only shot at existence, why not live each day to the best of our ability?

“Becoming” requires you to awaken in the morning and ask, “what if this is my last day? How can I make my day the most valuable one?” Maintaining that level of focus challenges you.

Would you act more lovingly? Would you take a chance on a dream? Would you look at the process of your journey, rather than the obstacles in your path? Would you solve problems creatively rather than rely on the same old approaches?

Would you put healthy food into your body? Would you exercise? Would you pray? Would you act with courage?

Would you worry about the judgment of others? Would you meet strangers with an open mind and heart?  

I watched America’s Got Talent the other night. I saw three men on the show who reminded me of those in the process of “becoming”.  

One was a man whose girlfriend talked him into trying out for the competition. He had an unusual and beautiful singing voice. The audience gave him a standing ovation when he was through singing, and the judges brought his girlfriend up on stage to praise her. The man agreed with their sentiment, and he proposed marriage right there on the stage! Two big risks in one night!! 

The second man spoke of his father who gave up drinking for his son. The son sang a song he had written for his Dad. The young man who may have been 17 or so seemed quite scared as he sang his song, “It’s My Life”. It was a beautiful song, and the camera showed many people in the audience as they wiped away tears. I don’t think he’s ever sung in front of an audience before. He certainly is on his way to “becoming”, right? 

The third man was a 16-year-old magician. He came on stage in a very confident manner and did an amazing trick. When the judges voted him through to the Las Vegas phase, he cried. Apparently, he has been criticized in the past for keeping to himself and practicing his magic, but he stuck with his dream.  

Each of these men seems called to becoming the most he can be. Each took the risk—with fear in his heart—and didn’t back down from the challenge. 

You have to take chances to become the most you can be, right? The goal is worth so much! 

Years ago, I saw a man interviewed on TV, who had jumped into the water to save a life after a plane crashed at Reagan Airport. I’ll never forget him. The reporter asked the man if he had been afraid to jump into the cold water. The man said yes, he’d felt afraid, but he couldn’t let someone die. The reporter then said that people demonstrate courage when we do something “right” in spite of our fear. 

It seems to me that “becoming” requires us to act with courage in order to be the best we can be. Venturing into unknown territory is frightening. Everything may change; yet, we must venture and stay on the journey in order to become the best person we can be.

As I think about this, I see that each of us makes a choice each day: We can walk through the day—existing—until our life here finally comes to an end; or we can choose actions that lead us to becoming the best person we can be.

Which choice are you making today?

Life holds meaning for me when I can support you in your quest for success. Please stay in touch!! Thanks for reading this. Anita

 

Sticks and Stones...

Several times in the past, I’ve been scared. Each time, well-intentioned people have told me to “relax” and “take a deep breath”. I wish I could have relaxed on demand. Usually, I’m so worked up by then, that relaxing is the last thing I’m able to do! I could “take a deep breath”, but nothing ever happens. Oh not true--once I got really dizzy!

I’ve also learned through my mistakes that nothing good comes from speaking when I’m anxious. I sound angry; so no one really knows what I’m trying to say. They hear my tone, and think I’m mad at them.  I would do much better to take a few minutes to calm myself, compose my thoughts and then speak!

People generally believe you are attacking them when we use a particular tone of voice. The reaction to this tone might be "stonewalling" (Dr. John Gottman's term for withdrawing emotionally and sometimes physically), defensiveness, or a reciprocal attack.

One's intention might not be to attack, but if we come across as attacking, we need to do something different. Attacking takes us out of relationship with each other.

For effective communication to occur, we need to clarify the message we're hearing. If what we've heard isn't the intended message, the speaker can re-state their message with different body language and different words.

My mother taught me the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" when I was five years old. I thought my mom had lost her mind!

I definitely felt very hurt and wounded when a neighborhood boy repeatedly taunted me. I think he meant to hurt me, too. Eventually, I punched him in the nose, and I felt much better. No, I don't recommend that intervention to anyone! I would imagine that this man remembers that I punched him in the nose when we were little, but I'll bet he doesn't remember being mean to me. So, was that an effective intervention? No.

Resolution happens when we feel calm. "If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say it!" applies well to relationships. 

The best course of action is to slow the argument down, acknowledge that one is feeling badly and take a “time out” to calm down. When we're calm, we can try again to resolve the problem at hand.

The message here is that negativity begets more negativity. Whether we're at work, talking with a friend or interacting with our mate, speaking from respect and love work!

Keep your eyes peeled for our e-class tentatively called "Let's Stay Together". One of our modules will teach you how to achieve calm in the midst of an argument. We'd love to hear your thoughts about all this! Thanks for reading--Anita

Summer's A Good Time to Catch Your Breath and Dream A Dream Or Two

Do you remember your summers as a kid? There’s something golden and precious about those moments. 

I remember talking my little brother into selling lemonade with me.  (Only one person typically bought a glass from us, and we drank the rest!) I remember sleeping in late.

I remember going to the pool and playing cards all day with my friends. I remember that my mom would come to the swim club after working part-time and set up the grill. She would make dinner while we swam. When our dad was home from his summer job, he'd join us. I remember lying on the grass at night and staring at the stars. 

Sometimes I was bored during a summer day. The days seemed too long, too hot. We didn’t have air conditioning. My mother would tell me to read, but I wanted to play baseball. None of the other kids wanted to run around in the heat, though. (They were smart!)

Boredom was a risky mood for me. You never knew what idea I’d come up with! Looking back, my brother and my friends were such good sports! They participated in all my plans.

Even though I never have boring summer days anymore, life does seem to slow down a bit in the summer. My attitude changes, I think. The summers of my childhood swirl around my head and affect my viewpoint each summer day. 

Now, I am making new summer memories. With more daylight, I can play outside with my dog when I get home from work. My husband cooks dinner on the grill. I like to watch him driving around the yard on his favorite toy—the riding mower! We can sit on the deck after the sun sets and stare at the night sky. The stillness is soothing to me.

I seem to have more energy, too, in the summertime. I can get up easily at 5:30 in the morning. Sometimes, we ride our bikes down to the water before we begin our workday. I am never bored anymore in the summer. 

Summer’s a good time to catch your breath, to reflect upon your life and plan for the future. Summer’s a good time to dream. 

Once you’ve dreamed your dreams, you can write them down, turning the dream into a goal. You can create a written storyline that identifies steps you might take. You can identify any training that might bring you closer to your goal. You can create a list of all the people who may give you ongoing feedback, ideas, and support. Then, you can begin to contact these supporters. You can continue to fine-tune your new goal. You can envision your success! 

All of these things, you can do in the summer--when the days are longer and the stars seem brighter. Summer’s a good time!

We love to hear your story and your dreams! Please feel free to share with us. Thanks!! Anita O'D.